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　　EPILOGUE TO HENRY SIDDONS' FARCE, "TIME'S A TELL-TALE"

　　(1807)

　　Bound for the port of matrimonial bliss,

　　Ere I hoist sail, I hold it not amiss,

　　(Since prosp'rous ends ask prudent introductions)

　　To take a slight peep at my written instructions.

　　There's nothing like determining in time

　　All questions marital or maritime.

　　In all seas, straits, gulphs, ports, havens, lands, creeks.

　　Oh! Here it begins.

　　"Season, spring, wind standing at point Desire—

　　The good ship Matrimony—Commander. Blanford, Esq.

　　Art. I.

　　"The captain that has the command of her,

　　Or in his absence, the acting officer,

　　To see her planks are sound, her timbers tight."—

　　That acting officer I don't relish quite,

　　No, as I hope to tack another verse on,

　　I'll do those duties in my proper person.

　　Art. II.

　　"All mutinies to be suppress'd at first."

　　That's a good caution to prevent the worst.

　　Art. III.

　　"That she be properly victual'd, mann'd and stor'd,

　　To see no foreigners are got aboard."

　　That's rather difficult. Do what we can,

　　A vessel sometimes may mistake her man.

　　The safest way in such a parlous doubt,

　　Is steady watch and keep a sharp look out.

　　Art. IV.

　　"Whereas their Lords Commissioners (the church)

　　Do strictly authorise the right of search:

　　As always practis'd—you're to understand

　　By these what articles are contraband;

　　Guns, mortars, pistols, halberts, swords, pikes, lances,

　　Ball, powder, shot, and the appurtenances.

　　Videlicet—whatever can be sent

　　To give the enemy encouragement.

　　Ogles are small shot (so the instruction runs),

　　Touches hand grenades, and squeezes rifle guns."

　　Art. V.

　　"That no free-bottom'd neutral waiting maid

　　Presume to exercise the carrying trade:

　　The prohibition here contained extends

　　To all commerce cover'd by the name of Friends.

　　Heaven speed the good ship well"—and so it ends.

　　Oh with such wholesome jealousies as these

　　May Albion cherish his old spouse the seas;

　　Keep over her a husband's firm command,

　　Not with too rigid nor too lax a hand.

　　Be gently patient to her swells and throws

　　When big with safeties to himself she goes;

　　Nor while she clips him in a fast embrace,

　　Stand for some female frowns upon her face.

　　But tell the rival world—and tell in Thunder,

　　Whom Nature joined, none ere shall put asunder. The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb — Volume 4