DICK STRYPE; OR, THE FORCE OF HABIT
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DICK STRYPE; OR, THE FORCE OF HABIT
A Tale—By Timothy Bramble
(1801)
Habits are stubborn things:
And by the time a man is turn'd of forty,
His ruling passion's grown so haughty
There is no clipping of its wings.
The amorous roots have taken earth, and fix
And never shall P—TT leave his juggling tricks,
Till H——Y quits his metre with his pride,
Till W——M learns to flatter regicide,
Till hypocrite-enthusiasts cease to vant
And Mister W——E leaves off to cant.
The truth will best be shewn,
By a familiar instance of our own.
Dick Strype
Was a dear friend and lover of the PIPE;
He us'd to say, one pipe of Kirkman's best
Gave life a zest.
To him 'twas meat, and drink, and physic,
To see the friendly vapour
Curl round his midnight taper,
And the black fume
Clothe all the room,
In clouds as dark as science metaphysic.
So still he smok'd, and drank, and crack'd his joke;
And, had he single tarried
He might have smok'd, and still grown old in smoke:
But RICHARD married.
His wife was one, who carried
The cleanly virtues almost to a vice,
She was so nice:
And thrice a week, above, below,
The house was scour'd from top to toe,
And all the floors were rubb'd so bright,
You dar'd not walk upright
For fear of sliding:
But that she took a pride in.
Of all things else REBECCA STRYPE
Could least endure a pipe.
She rail'd upon the filthy herb tobacco,
Protested that the noisome vapour
Had spoilt the best chintz curtains and the paper
And cost her many a pound in stucco:
And then she "ed our King James, who saith
"Tobacco is the Devil's breath."
When wives will govern, husbands must obey;
For many a day
DICK mourn'd and miss'd his favourite tobacco,
And curs'd REBECCA.
At length the day approach'd, his wife must die:
Imagine now the doleful cry
Of female friends, old aunts and cousins,
Who to the fun'ral came by dozens—
The undertaker's men and mutes
Stood at the gate in sable suits
With doleful looks,
Just like so many melancholy rooks.
Now cakes and wine are handed round,
Folks sigh, and drink, and drink, and sigh,
For Grief makes people dry:
But DICK is missing, nowhere to be found
Above, below, about
They searched the house throughout,
Each hole and secret entry,
Quite from the garret to the pantry,
In every corner, cupboard, nook and shelf,
And all concluded he had hang'd himself.
At last they found him—reader, guess you where—
'Twill make you stare—
Perch'd on REBECCA'S Coffin, at his rest,
SMOKING A PIPE OF KIRKMAN'S BEST. The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb — Volume 4